i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
