no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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