He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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