Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
