I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
