i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
