$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
