I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
