hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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