id be glad to
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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