wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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