I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
