I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
