I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
