apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
