I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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