In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
