I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
