I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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