yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
