only you would photoshop your dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
