allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
