It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
