Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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