420 ftw
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize