i was born a porn star she said
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
