2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
