so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
