went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
