Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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