I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
