i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
