even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
