She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize