Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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