I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
