Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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