Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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