I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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