I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
