can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
