so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
