You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
