just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
