just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
