What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
