Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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