Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
