wakey wakey hands off snakey
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
