I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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