I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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