Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
