don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
