I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
