you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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