I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
