I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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