There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
