he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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