I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
