I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
