He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
