if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
