Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i've created a new STD.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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