Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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