8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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