So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
