Umm I'm too high to move.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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