Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
