but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
