If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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