if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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