she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Non-Jews are for practice
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
