Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there's paper in my vomit.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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