Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
