After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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